Danny Goes Down!

            We’d been debating how to go about selecting the next year for this project – Take turns? Argue a choice? Number generator? But, a few beers into a conversation with our buddy Cowart, and the answer became clear. Let his unbridled enthusiasm be our guide. And, on that day, his passion pointed to Crocodile Dundee. After half an hour discussing the particulars of Paul Hogan’s masculinity, Cowart informed me this movie was up for Best Original Screenplay. What? The movie about the whacky Australian with a knife? How did I not know this? And that brings us to 1986. And, alphabetically, to Crocodile Dundee. With a script from old Croc himself Paul Hogan, as well as John Cornell and Ken Shadie.

           

            I watched this move a lot as a kid. I’m not sure why. Maybe my Mom was a fan. Maybe it was on TV all the time. Maybe I couldn’t get enough Hogan. In any case, it’s probably been fifteen years since I’ve seen it. I remember fake crocodiles, the huge knife and the babe swimming. Hey, I was ten. And ten year old me was all about the “babes”. I also generally remember enjoying the movie, so I was interested in giving it a look again, especially under the lens of a Best Screenplay nominee.

            And under that lens, I just don’t see it. It’s difficult to grasp how this film could have been nominated for its screenplay. It’s featherweight. I imagine the writers clutching a checklist of Australian clichés. And there’s not much on its mind, outside of some goofy jokes. And, hey, if those jokes were hilarious, I’d be on board. Comedy is wildly underappreciated at the Oscars. But they’re amusing at best. With a few inspired bits scattered about. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d wager people were blinded by Hogan’s charisma. And maybe some of the older voters appreciated the throwback Screwball aspects on display. This movie wouldn’t have been out of place in 1946. Except for that bathing suit, of course.  But a quick search tells me 1986 also gave us Big Trouble in Little China, Labyrinth, Blue Velvet and, if all you want is a lightweight romp, Ferris Bueller. There were better, more interesting options this year.

            With that out of the way, let’s talk about the movie on its own terms. It’s certainly got a goofy charm. Can’t deny that. The script gives us an iconic character and sets him loose in the Outback and the urban sprawl of New York City. I’d watch Dundee do just about anything. I even have this horrifying fever dream of following the man to Los Angeles. One of the movie’s most inspired recurring bits, and one of my favorite aspects of the character is that he’s completely aware of his own legend. Totally in control of it. And when he’s introduced in the movie battling a fake crocodile, you wonder if he’s the real deal. People in the bar whisper slander about him. Maybe he’s a fraud? But no fraud leaps off a branch and stabs a crocodile in the fucking head. That’s legendary. Yet Dundee can’t help but inflate his own myth. He steals a glance at a watch, only to pretend he can read the sun. He quickly hides a razor to shave with his knife. I love these bits. And that kind of character depth provides insight into why this movie was (is? I'm not sure.) so beloved.

           

            Beyond Dundee, I enjoyed the local color of the Australian bar. Pour me a Foster’s and I’d lose myself in that boozer for days. But once we get to New York, the movie fades a bit. These writers are absolutely relentless with the fish-out-of-water jokes. Like they’ve got a “100 Funniest” joke book they’re obligated to work through. And, look, a few of those jokes really hit. One of them gives us the classic “That’s not a knife” scene. I’m just not sure we needed a thousand of them. To their credit, they don’t play Dundee as an idiot, but I find it hard to believe he’d be baffled by an escalator. He’s a human man from 1986. And Australia has actual cities. But New York also gives us Carl Winslow and that’s nice.

            Oh, yeah, it’s a romantic comedy. Ten year old me totally forgot about that. It’s so easy to get caught up in Paul Hogan, that the rest of the story kind of fades. And, I think, with good reason. There’s not much to this romance. I understand that Hogan and Linda Kozlowski got married in real life, but it seems strange because they don’t have much chemistry here. She’s a fine actress, and charming in her own right, but, together, they do nothing for me. The romantic comedy also gives us the obligatory jerky boyfriend. A guy who seems all right until the plot needs him to be a ridiculous stooge. But, we do get an absolutely delightful “run to the airport”, well, subway, scene out of it. And it’s so wonderful it nearly makes the movie better in retrospect. I guarantee it contributed to the movie’s wild success.

            What we’ve got here is a perfectly fun movie. One that I don’t believe has any business being called the “Best” anything. Okay, definitely best Paul Hogan starring vehicle. And probably one of the better examples of regressive 80’s politics being used for jokes. Not the best use of Carl Winslow, but close. Thanks, Die Hard. But a nice, pleasant movie. One I thoroughly enjoyed. And if you catch it without the weight of the Best Screenplay, or if you’re ten, I imagine it’d play a lot better. Which might explain its tremendous, franchise-spawning success. Not a lot of us out there blogging about Original Screenplays from 1986, I guess!

Good steal on the rankings, Big Game! So, by default –

1.  Crocodile Dundee

Oh, maybe steal this too? Overall! And, I want to clarify here that these a strictly how I’m looking at the scripts. Not the movies as a whole. Because I liked Dundee considerably more than either Lorenzo’s Oil or Passion Fish. But…writing.

1.     Unforgiven.

2.     Husbands and Wives

3.     The Crying Game

4.     Lorenzo’s Oil

5.     Passion Fish
6.   Crocodile Dundee