Mike's Beautiful Laundrette

My Beautiful Laundrette

Written by Hanif Kureishi

And so, after a too-long hiatus for reasons I assume no one cares about, I have returned to the fold of talking about movies with screenwriting accolades! In fairness, it may have taken me a while to get to this write-up anyway, as there’s a lot to “unfold” in My Beautiful Laundrette (Ha HA! I’m the best). I’m not too up on Stephen Frears’ filmography, honestly, and about the only thing that really excited me about it was the chance to see a young Daniel Day-Lewis. Spoiler alert: he’s pretty great.

This was a strange movie. I can’t for the life of me figure out where screenwriter Hanif Kureishi came up with the idea, unless it was pulled from some real life experience. A little research tells me that Laundrette largely concerns Thatcher-era British politics, but as an American who was born only a few months after this movie was released, I can’t say I have a good frame of reference. It’s difficult to really put into context is what I’m saying, so I’ll have to approach it from another angle. I can’t relate to the real-world events informing the story in any meaningful way, so I have to look at the characters and the plot individually to see if it all works.

So we’ve got Omar, a young middle eastern fellow, who gets a job working for his uncle’s car dealership. He does a good job and gets promoted to running his uncle’s laundromat. Only it appears his uncle is into some pretty unsavory affairs, and Omar is kind of forcibly thrust into his world. He never seems to mind all that much, but he has almost no agency. The job is given to him, as is the promotion, and the invitation to his uncle’s party. It’s almost as though Omar is being forced into some kind of seedy underworld as his family constantly reassures him that this is the only way to be successful.

The first thing Omar goes out of his way to take for himself are the management position at the laundromat and, soon after that, Johnny. They’re the only two things in his control, or at least under his influence. Johnny’s entrance into the story is when My Beautiful Laundrette really takes off, and not just because Daniel Day-Lewis is never less than mesmerizing. That’s part of it, of course, but there’s more. Johnny’s introduction brings the movie to life and brings conflicts in. Omar’s family doesn’t like that he hired an employee, Johnny’s friends don’t like him hanging around these “Pakis,” etc. That big brawl at the end can all be traced back to Johnny coming back into Omar’s life.

But let’s talk about the love affair. It’s interesting, I kept thinking Laundrette was going to turn into kind of a proto-Brokeback Mountain, and be about these star-crossed lovers who are forced apart by circumstances and the social climate of the time. It’s not, though. There’s some palpable tension when Uncle almost walks in on them in the office, but it’s quickly defused. Omar is supposed to marry his cousin, but Johnny doesn’t take it personally. Then Omar’s cousin (Tania, who is delightful) takes a liking to Johnny, but that doesn’t rattle Omar in the slightest. Instead, it seems like Johnny and Omar’s love for each other serves to illustrate how stupid all that racial tension is. The Pakis don’t trust the whites, and vice versa, and it all culminates in violence in the final act. Johnny and Omar are there to show us how meaningless it all really is. Race doesn’t even factor into their relationship aside from a brief conversation about Johnny’s former days as a radical.

That’s how I read it. Another divergent road from Brokeback is that there seems to be a happy ending. Everything ends with Omar and Johnny playfully splashing each other, even after their (beautiful) laundromat gets trashed, as if to say, “Hey, this is the world we live in. Let’s start over and try again.” What else can you do?

Lots of little touches I liked. I laughed out loud at the shot of Uncle spying Tania on the train platform, and Omar’s father was always good for a laugh. “Not a bad little dump you’ve got here,” was a great line.

So as for ongoing rankings…

1)      My Beautiful Laundrette

2)      “Crocodile” Dundee

Next up is an Oliver Stone double feature, with Platoon followed by Salvador. Let’s do it to it.

Danny Does Laundry

            Here we are again with a movie I’ve never heard of – My Beautiful Laundrette written by Hanif Kureishi. And, man, doesn’t a title like that just get you pumped up? When I saw it on the list, I couldn’t wait to kick back, have a beer and crush this film. And then, of course, I do a little research and see that it’s Stephen Frears and Baby Day-Lewis, so I knew I was in for a dramatically adult time. In the immortal words of everyone who’s watched this movie ever, “Let’s get this party started.”

            Somehow, even though I knew nothing about this going in, it defied all my expectations. There isn’t really a coherent plot to discuss. A kid opens a laundromat, I guess. It’s not really a specific character study. Too many people bouncing around. It’s this kind of mosaic of a movie. A portrait of a time and a place. And, in that sense, it’s effective. But it’s certainly an odd movie, and one that I didn’t really connect with on any significant level. Maybe it’s because the specific milieu of the movie was so unfamiliar, but that’s not typically an issue for me. I mean, part of a movie’s job is to drop you into it’s setting and whisk you away. But here it just never happened. So I’m not a huge fan, but let’s talk about the script.

           

            Gotta give credit here to Kureishi for respecting his viewers. He never spells anything out. I had to constantly reconstruct these characters in my head. The Dad isn’t just a drunk, he’s out of place, out of time. The uncle’s a ruthless businessman, sure, but he’s also loyal. Even the Scarface cousin manages to have dimensions. Empathy falls from the sky. It’s impressive. And probably best exemplified in the scene between Tanya and her Father’s mistress when they meet at the inexplicably crowded opening of the new laundry mat. Tanya attempts to paint her as some evil temptress, but the movie’s smarter than that, and instead offers up a depressing slice of life. It’s good stuff.

            The two leads are probably the least interesting characters and maybe that’s why I can’t fully appreciate the script. Omar is a scrappy entrepreneur. Not above screwing people over to get what he wants. But all in the service of a laundromat. To be fair, this is a Laundromat the neighborhood is apparently clamoring for. The one they always needed, but never knew they wanted. Powders. Oh, and Baby Day-Lewis is…all over the place. A businessman, a lover, a punk, a criminal. I don’t know. I do want to say that I love the English “punk”. I don’t know how real they were/are, but all cinematic English punks seem so squirmy and oddly acrobatic. I love it. In any case, I found myself mostly confused by him. And this largely locks me out of the central arc. And, look, I get how their relationship thematically mirrors the larger issues in the movie, but if I don’t care then it doesn’t matter.

            I think this might be an example of what I’ll call, for now, the reverse-Unforgiven. I realize it’s currently sitting at number one on my list, but I think that movie is a good example of the filmmaking really elevating and complementing the script. In many cases, blinding the viewer to any of its flaws. Yes, yes, we’re here to talk about scripts, but we’re watching the movies, so I’m gonna talk about it. Only with Laundrette, I feel it’s the opposite. I’m not entirely sure why this movie has a punk rock, neon, foggy vibe to it. It doesn’t seem to fit at all. I think the Frears working today would have made an entirely different looking, possibly better film with this exact same material.

            Truth be told, I spent a lot this movie thinking about a better, similar movie – Do the Right Thing. And I kept right on thinking about it even as I watched that movie’s climax unfold, nearly identically, in this film. A lot of the ideas this movie presents, Right Thing improves upon. But, as I said earlier, that might just be my disconnect with this particular world. These conflicts don’t resonate directly for me. I can substitute them, of course, but that still removes them. So, while I can respect and appreciate this script for what it does well, I can’t call it great. But…is it worse than Crocodile Dundee? Of course, not. Don’t be ridiculous.

1.     My Beautiful Launderette

2.     Crocodile Dundee

            

Danny Goes Down!

            We’d been debating how to go about selecting the next year for this project – Take turns? Argue a choice? Number generator? But, a few beers into a conversation with our buddy Cowart, and the answer became clear. Let his unbridled enthusiasm be our guide. And, on that day, his passion pointed to Crocodile Dundee. After half an hour discussing the particulars of Paul Hogan’s masculinity, Cowart informed me this movie was up for Best Original Screenplay. What? The movie about the whacky Australian with a knife? How did I not know this? And that brings us to 1986. And, alphabetically, to Crocodile Dundee. With a script from old Croc himself Paul Hogan, as well as John Cornell and Ken Shadie.

           

            I watched this move a lot as a kid. I’m not sure why. Maybe my Mom was a fan. Maybe it was on TV all the time. Maybe I couldn’t get enough Hogan. In any case, it’s probably been fifteen years since I’ve seen it. I remember fake crocodiles, the huge knife and the babe swimming. Hey, I was ten. And ten year old me was all about the “babes”. I also generally remember enjoying the movie, so I was interested in giving it a look again, especially under the lens of a Best Screenplay nominee.

            And under that lens, I just don’t see it. It’s difficult to grasp how this film could have been nominated for its screenplay. It’s featherweight. I imagine the writers clutching a checklist of Australian clichés. And there’s not much on its mind, outside of some goofy jokes. And, hey, if those jokes were hilarious, I’d be on board. Comedy is wildly underappreciated at the Oscars. But they’re amusing at best. With a few inspired bits scattered about. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d wager people were blinded by Hogan’s charisma. And maybe some of the older voters appreciated the throwback Screwball aspects on display. This movie wouldn’t have been out of place in 1946. Except for that bathing suit, of course.  But a quick search tells me 1986 also gave us Big Trouble in Little China, Labyrinth, Blue Velvet and, if all you want is a lightweight romp, Ferris Bueller. There were better, more interesting options this year.

            With that out of the way, let’s talk about the movie on its own terms. It’s certainly got a goofy charm. Can’t deny that. The script gives us an iconic character and sets him loose in the Outback and the urban sprawl of New York City. I’d watch Dundee do just about anything. I even have this horrifying fever dream of following the man to Los Angeles. One of the movie’s most inspired recurring bits, and one of my favorite aspects of the character is that he’s completely aware of his own legend. Totally in control of it. And when he’s introduced in the movie battling a fake crocodile, you wonder if he’s the real deal. People in the bar whisper slander about him. Maybe he’s a fraud? But no fraud leaps off a branch and stabs a crocodile in the fucking head. That’s legendary. Yet Dundee can’t help but inflate his own myth. He steals a glance at a watch, only to pretend he can read the sun. He quickly hides a razor to shave with his knife. I love these bits. And that kind of character depth provides insight into why this movie was (is? I'm not sure.) so beloved.

           

            Beyond Dundee, I enjoyed the local color of the Australian bar. Pour me a Foster’s and I’d lose myself in that boozer for days. But once we get to New York, the movie fades a bit. These writers are absolutely relentless with the fish-out-of-water jokes. Like they’ve got a “100 Funniest” joke book they’re obligated to work through. And, look, a few of those jokes really hit. One of them gives us the classic “That’s not a knife” scene. I’m just not sure we needed a thousand of them. To their credit, they don’t play Dundee as an idiot, but I find it hard to believe he’d be baffled by an escalator. He’s a human man from 1986. And Australia has actual cities. But New York also gives us Carl Winslow and that’s nice.

            Oh, yeah, it’s a romantic comedy. Ten year old me totally forgot about that. It’s so easy to get caught up in Paul Hogan, that the rest of the story kind of fades. And, I think, with good reason. There’s not much to this romance. I understand that Hogan and Linda Kozlowski got married in real life, but it seems strange because they don’t have much chemistry here. She’s a fine actress, and charming in her own right, but, together, they do nothing for me. The romantic comedy also gives us the obligatory jerky boyfriend. A guy who seems all right until the plot needs him to be a ridiculous stooge. But, we do get an absolutely delightful “run to the airport”, well, subway, scene out of it. And it’s so wonderful it nearly makes the movie better in retrospect. I guarantee it contributed to the movie’s wild success.

            What we’ve got here is a perfectly fun movie. One that I don’t believe has any business being called the “Best” anything. Okay, definitely best Paul Hogan starring vehicle. And probably one of the better examples of regressive 80’s politics being used for jokes. Not the best use of Carl Winslow, but close. Thanks, Die Hard. But a nice, pleasant movie. One I thoroughly enjoyed. And if you catch it without the weight of the Best Screenplay, or if you’re ten, I imagine it’d play a lot better. Which might explain its tremendous, franchise-spawning success. Not a lot of us out there blogging about Original Screenplays from 1986, I guess!

Good steal on the rankings, Big Game! So, by default –

1.  Crocodile Dundee

Oh, maybe steal this too? Overall! And, I want to clarify here that these a strictly how I’m looking at the scripts. Not the movies as a whole. Because I liked Dundee considerably more than either Lorenzo’s Oil or Passion Fish. But…writing.

1.     Unforgiven.

2.     Husbands and Wives

3.     The Crying Game

4.     Lorenzo’s Oil

5.     Passion Fish
6.   Crocodile Dundee

Crocodile Dundee by Big Game!

Crocodile Dundee

Story by Paul Hogan, Screenplay by John Cornell, Paul Hogan and Ken Shadie

With 1992, our first full year behind us, we turn to 1986 and a brand new adventure. And what better way to start than with possibly the most “huh?” screenwriting nominee of all-time, Crocodile Dundee. I mean, how the hell did this of all movies make it to the shortlist? Well, I guess that’s what we’re here to figure out, so let’s put way more thought into this movie than I ever, ever expected I would.

It’s tough figuring out where to start. It’s Crocodile Dundee! Is it really a great movie? Or was there just something in the air in the mid-80s? Us Yanks sure seemed infatuated with Australia back then. Mel Gibson was becoming a huge star, Yahoo Serious had a brief window of international popularity, and this movie was one of the biggest hits of the year. So this could be the Academy simply wanting to honor a big crowd-pleasing popcorn flick, but let’s not sell Crocodile Dundee too short.

The first thing I noticed about it was that it almost seems like an ego project at times. Mick “Crocodile” Dundee doesn’t appear until ten minutes in, and leading up to that we get a bunch of characters talking about how awesome he is. Given that Paul Hogan wrote the story himself and had a hand in the screenplay, maybe that’s not all that surprising, but it’s a relief when Mick finally shows up so we can see it firsthand. It turns out he is pretty awesome. He knows the Outback better than I know my own backyard and there’s something fun about watching him in complete control of every situation. He scares off the kangaroo poachers, he kills that crocodile, he’s in with the local Aborigine tribe. It’s decent setup for the eventual “fish-out-of-water” escapades he’ll endure in New York.

About that, it does take a long time to actually get him to New York, which is the hook of the entire movie, but it never stops being that kind of movie. The entire first half of the movie casts Sue in that role, with her just woefully out of place in the untamed wilderness. She needs Mick to help her survive out there, and she returns the favor when they go back to the city.

That’s really where the movie gets going, and where all of its more well-known moments come from.  Mick isn’t presented as an idiot or anything, just a man who’s never been to a city (not even Sydney or Melbourne) who’s a little out of his depth. The humor of watching him navigate this world is actually a lot tamer than I would have expected. He’s not throwing glasses on the floor like “Thor” or anything like that. He’s genuinely trying to fit in, at least for Sue’s sake. Even when people are giving him a hard time, like Sue’s “rich asshole” boyfriend, he tries his best to keep his composure before the Aussie in him takes over.

This may be the only Oscar-nominated movie ever where a limo driver (played by Carl Winslow! This guy was everywhere in the 80s!) rips the hood ornament off his car and throws it like a boomerang at a street punk. My point? This movie is silly. It’s almost aggressively likable, if a little dated. I mean, it was made in a time where a character could just casually throw around the word “fag” for a laugh. That’s not a word I would expect the kind-hearted Mick to be okay with, especially given his stance on foul language and disrespecting others. But I guess it was a different time? But it is “fun,” moreso than any of the movies from ’92 were.

I’m running out of things to say, but I have two more points. The first is, holy crap. This is a romantic comedy! I had no idea. That’s really what it’s all about. Sue invites Mick to New York because she’s into him and, in classic rom-com style, we find out her boyfriend Richard is kind of a dick, which makes it easy for us to root for Mick to win the girl. That last scene in the subway is actually super adorable, but it ends insanely abruptly. So… does she go back to Australia with him? Does he stay in New York? They’re from such thoroughly different worlds, it’s hard to buy them as a couple that will last.

And finally, Crocodile Dundee’s true legacy is that line.

“That’s not a knife… THAT is a knife.”

Of all the movies in the world, of all the screenplays, Crocodile Dundee is the first we’ve watched for this project that has a genuinely iconic line. Even if you’ve never seen this movie, you know this line. And you know what? It’s great! It’s a great character moment for him, and it demonstrates that “fish-out-of-water” scenarios don’t always have to place the protagonist at a disadvantage. I have a strong suspicion that, in spite of two sequels, that line is what has helped this movie survive. It’s a little strange. I’m still not convinced this goofy, harmless little flick warranted an Oscar nomination, but it certainly sticks with you.

So I’m definitely stealing the on-going rankings from you. I want to do it too! And so, by default…

1)      Crocodile Dundee

Next up is My Beautiful Laundrette, which I will be disappointed with if it doesn’t showcase Daniel Day-Lewis’s improvised boomerang skills.